Trending

 It seems like being estranged from your parents or your children is really a trending thing right now.  I don't really understand that particular thing generally, but it seems to be a hot topic all over different forms of social media.

Some people complain that their parents don't step up to the plate enough in ways of showing up, or being there for their adult children such as providing free child care, cleaning their houses for them, and the list goes on and all.  While others complain that their parents (and let's face it we mean MOMS) are to involved, that they want to be in the room when their grandchildren are born, or they are always showing up uninvited.

It seems to just go back to the same thing, mom shaming.  These same moms were shamed for being to harsh, or being to soft with their kids by other moms such as their own mothers, grandmothers, and just random other moms and dads, or just people in general like strangers.  We never could do anything right when we were in the thick of it.  Now that our kids are grown, we still can't do anything right.

We lived out lives, doing the best we could at the time just trying to survive life, like they are now, raising kids, working a full time job, managing relationships with men and women.  Trying to have fun with the kids and without them.  And now, we are still being shamed for the same thing.

In my own life, right now, I keep my mouth shut for the most part and do not call people out for their mistreatment of me, because who am I to say how someone feels.  Having said that, I wish they thought the same way-because how are they to criticize me not knowing, just thinking they know, me!?

It all boils down to, we can never make people happy.  They have to be happy on their own.  We can show up in the only ways we are able to.  If that isn't good enough for people, they just have to figure it out and grow up and stop blaming the moms for everything.  It's ridiculous actually!

I want to just live my life, doing things that I enjoy.  If you're not getting what you want out of your older parents it's probably because they do not enjoy it and you should really look inward and figure out if you're the reason! I can tell you from my own experience that I do not go around people, I don't care who they are, if they make me feel like crap.  I don't need to be analyzed and asked "what do you do to make them treat you that way?" because my actions are curated to keep the peace, so if someone is behaving a certain way-that is totally on them!  And again, leave moms alone-just freaking let us live.

I want peace, joy and happiness daily!  Not conflict and misery!

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A Letter to my Dad

 Dear Dad,

I love you dad for all the things you did and for all the things you didn't do.

I forgive you dad for all the things you did and all the things you didn't do.

Life wasn't totally kind to you either, and I see that now.  I can see you as a human being living your own life for the first time too.

It hasn't been easy being your daughter.  You have been harder on me when you didn't need to be.  You often made me feel unloved and unwanted.  But on occasion you did make me feel loved and wanted.

You were a very complicated man dad, and I wish I could have really gotten to know you.  I wish I had that opportunity and I wish you would have let me.

Thank you for always being there for me when it counted the most, I guess.  You always had an open-door policy, and we knew we were always invited over.  We knew we'd regret it, but we knew we were always welcome.  You were always available to talk, chat or come to my rescue on the side of the road.  Thank you for taking me and my baby in when I was 18 and mom kicked us both out.

I do love you, and I will miss you.  I am choosing to only remember the good things about you and what you've done.  I want your memory to remain in such a positive light in my heart that I smile when I think of you.

Rest easy dad, your fight is finally over.  I hope you found peace in Heaven that you couldn't find on Earth.

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Welcome Back!

As an adult, I have not been a church-going Christian.  I have, of course, always believed in God and always believed in the teachings I learned growing up in a church of Jesus and lived my life somewhat according to those teachings.  I have of course, strayed and sinned.  Recently, watching the spiritual growth of my oldest son and his wife, along with the ongoing spiritual growth of my oldest daughter and child, I have given much thought about my own life and my own afterlife.

I can only say, that during my adult life, I still pray at night daily, but I have moved away from praying at meal time and during special moments of my life for whatever reason.  The base and belief is there, but lack of support, education that is freely expressed, and dedication to be honest just haven't been there.

Today, along with Billy and Olivia, we watched church together and did bible study afterward.  I not only learned what I should be working on better, but I also learned that Billy is much more religious and knowledgeable than I ever knew or understood.  He also grew up in the church, having a grandfather who was a minister and a pretty devout mom.  It was refreshing that he participated and really expressed a lot of his own feelings that he has been having, and his thoughts on the bible and just learning more.  He even confessed to wanting to start a podcast where like-minded people could get together and discuss the bible as well as questions and thoughts people may have.

Olivia led the discussion, using the SOAP method, and it was a fun, enlightening experience.  I'd love to find an in-person church to attend-perhaps we even just go once a month to Gavin & Jennifer's house to attend an in-person sermon.

I hope I can be forthright with my Christianity and not a closet Christian out of being embarrassed that people will look down on me or question the reasons why I am turning more to the Lord and his teachings.  I am either around a lot of judgmental people or I am very insecure about my own thoughts, whichever one of those is the truth I hope to root it out and make a change either way.

I hope to express my thoughts on my blog, not for readers of course, because no one reads this thing, but it is a wonderful journal!

The great thing about God is that he is very welcoming and it doesn't matter how long you've been away, he is always there to welcome you back with open arms.  I am ready for this new adventure and new life.

Amen,

XOXO, Lela

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Moral High Ground

I can never take someone seriously when they post political rants or memes on social media that follow what they believe and want no one to say anything negative, but they will be the first within seconds to be snarky or try to block someone if they post the slightest thing they disagree with.

I can never respect someone who uses their political beliefs as a "moral high ground" while all they are doing is posting political rants or memes on social media and getting into typing wars (or trying to) with people who disagree with them.  This isn't the type of person who really brings anything to the table, except misery.  You can't even be friends with someone like this, let alone have a polite conversation with them.

I think maybe I could respect or understand a person like this if they were actually doing something with all that passion.  Like going to events, protests, donating money to a political cause, you know, something other than just posting shit and getting in online fights, then playing the victim when you piss someone off.

Someone said to me recently that some people in our family are lucky we are a kind and loving bunch.  But don't mistake our silence or laughing off the stupid shit as weakness - we just literally don't care enough about you to even try to figure out what your problem is.

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Things I wish I could/would have said.....

 There has been a relationship fracture between a family member and me recently, due to some public shaming on her part.  When I expressed how it made me feel, the part that was directed towards me, said person just turned the focus back on themselves, bragged about themselves and how great they are and basically told me my reasons were shit.  And that is fine, I remained respectful because one thing you will never catch me doing is poking a mentally ill person, or someone going through something hard, just to make myself feel better.  I do not sink lower.  I try to remain kind.  But over the years, I have started taking notes on my phone of things I wish I had said.  Here are just a few, in honor of my quiet falling out with a family member.

1. Why are you speaking to me this way?  Are you okay?
2. Adults are allowed to communicate frustration without it being considered a character flaw or personality disorder.
3. This is my life and I am going to live it the way that I want to, just as you do!
4. I am going to live my life how I want, and if you are not ok with that.  Bye.
5. Fuck off!
6. Fuck all the way off!!
7. I don't need you to understand how I live my life because I do not judge or understand yours.
8. If it costs me my peace, it is going to cost you my presence.
9. I do not need advice from a person who is living a life that is not the best example of anything!
10. After finding on a Christmas wish list "grandparents for my kids", I wish for a better son-in-law, but here we are!

xoxo, Lela

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Oh IDK.....

 Is it just me, or is it normal to want to just shave your entire head of hair and start from scratch?  The only reason I have not shaved my head alone in my house, like a sad sad loser, is because my oldest son just got engaged, and the rumor is that he will be getting married to his gorgeous fiancé in February 2026.  I cannot be bald for that I guess.  I want to look like a normal, non-crazy human for their photos.

Menopause has just caused me to have some strange texture, and strange feelings about said texture.  I literally cannot stand how my hair looks right now.  Not only is the texture off, but it is thinning and not just all over, but literally at the crown.  Anyway, the point is I feel very unattractive at the moment and it probably has zero to do with my stupid hair but all to do with the hormones being all nutso!

HELP!

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18 Days

I have been sober for 18 days.  It's not a very long time, but it's over two weeks.  To me, it's the longest time I have stopped drinking consecutively.  It is an accomplishment, and I am proud of myself.  I live among people who do not understand my struggle, and they want to minimize it or enhance it, but I am well aware of what it truly is, and I am working on that.

Today, I came out to my siblings that I am 18 days sober.  My sister, who is an alcoholic, said "good job" in one sentence and then said "why?" in another.  I said Well because I don't want to be an alcoholic, and she said, "Yeah, but why.....jk".  It really put me instantly in a bad mood.  Why do people have to defend why they decided not to drink anymore?  If I were a crack addict, would they say the same thing?  "Why are you giving up crack?"

I would never say that to someone who is struggling, but maybe she doesn't know I am struggling because I do my drinking in private, and it never involves anyone else.  It's not dramatic, and I don't cause issues or problems for anyone when I am drinking.

I don't get into fights with people.  I don't piss myself and get lost and have to have my parents come get me.  I don't run off to a bar, drunk, and back into my child's car while other family members are trying to prevent me from leaving.

It is disheartening to know that your family cannot support you.  Not in the way you need, so I guess I have to distance myself from them even further-which sucks because we are already pretty distant.

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New Clothes - 2025

 I have been in dire need of some new tops since I retired.  I came across a shop I used to buy a few things from every once in a while recently called Chic Soul!  They did not disappoint.  Their items are a little pricey but so cute right?  Because my order was more than $30 I got a free black pullover (not pictured) and because my order was over $100 I also got free shipping.

If you want to get a few things, here is the link:  www.chicsoul.com 

A few weeks ago, I ordered some tops from Torrid that should be in today, here they are (so cute)

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It's Been A While

 It's been a while since I published a blog post.  I don't really have any excuses to share with you about why.  I can say we have been busy, but we are all busy.  No one really reads my blog anyway, so there is also that.  I used to do this for my mental health, because saying what I want on Facebook, X, or Instagram just seems weird, and opens me up for criticism and judgment.  Not that I care really, but I also want to be just like everyone else and just be able to be myself, but it seems I live in a world (or family) where I am the last person who is able to just be themselves without people taking it personally. I am the only one that has to be perfect.  Which I am not.  And I am the only one that gets punished for not being perfect.  It's a weird dynamic, but it often keeps me quite, at home, alone.

Anyway, I am trying to get back on my health journey and get my weight back under control.  2020-2021 was a very hard year, and our family suffered through a lot.  We are slowly coming back to our normal way of thinking and operating.  We have had a few really hard years with hurricanes damaging our home (3 in fact).  So there has been that on top of everything else.

I am not complaining.  I love my life, even when it is difficult.  I love the people God placed in them.  With that being said, I am going to try to blog more!  Share some of my favorite days, recipes, and homeschool challenges as well as homeschool wins.

xoxo, Lela
p.s. enjoy this portrait of Miss O :) 

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Goodbye Dear Friend

Have you ever been ghosted?  Have you ever been ghosted by your best friend?  That is what happened to me, twice.  And I want to preface that I hold no ill will towards my dear friend.  I am only writing this for my own peace of mind, and to openly say goodbye!

I have been friends with a sweet lady for going on 32 years.  We have been through a lot together, marriages, divorces, loosing loved ones and the trials and tribulations any other female in America could have.  Her second marriage, moved her across the country from Florida to Washington state.  Her mom and brother live here in Florida, so she did travel to visit & so we'd see each other while she was in town, but I guess our friendship started to dwindle over those long years apart.

I tried to reach out as much as I could, and sometimes was left on read-which is fine, I get it, we are all busy!  When she first moved, she was still raising her girls & me, still raising my kids.  But a couple of years ago she just disappeared off social media, wouldn't answer my texts or answer my calls.  I tried for several months, maybe once a month for over a year but heard nothing from her.  Since her youngest daughter was still active on social media, I knew she was still on this earth with us-so I tried not to worry.

In 2023, she finally reached out-and I was so excited, she was planning on coming to Florida and we were planning on meeting up.  But she disappeared again, and I hold no hope that we will see each other again at this point, and I am truly heart broken by that.  But I have to move on, get over myself-my pride and say goodbye to my dear sweet friend.  I'll remember you and always think fondly of you.  You are a lovely person, and I miss and love you very much!

xoxo, Lela

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1st Week of Homeschooling Update

 When I decided to homeschool for the year 2023-2024 I also decided I wouldn't post so much about it on social media (Instagram/Facebook.TikTok) really giving me and my daughter a chance to find our groove before we started sharing our journey with the world.  Also, I have not totally decided if I am going to share any of our experiences on those platforms.  Not for any particular reason, but I do find when I focus on trying to create that type of content I am not focused on what is the most important & which is learning with her.

Anyway, having said that I did want to come and update my family journal/blog as a record of our homeschooling experience, for us & what little family follows my blog.

Now let's get into our first week.

We started our first week of school on August 1, 2023, which happened to be a Tuesday.  Monday I used to prep for our first week.  Which didn't really prepare me at all.  Tuesday was great, we stuck to one hour for each course that we were doing (Math, Language Arts, History, PE) and we were done with school rather quickly, but then on Wednesday I felt like we had to catch up and do all the work that didn't get done the day before since we stayed on a strict one hour schedule so then we did school until about 3 or 4 which may be typical.  I don't know, this is my first time.  So then on Thursday, we did computer game math and other subjects to give her a break from all the hard work she did the day before.

Friday was going to be a day off for us, but we did science - which was a lot of fun.  We did two experiments.  One was on the currents of the oceans and one was on the buoyancy of the water.  She enjoyed them both.

I took most of the morning before we started science to work out a better schedule that I thought was more realistic, knowing a little more about how a day should or could look for us.  Our new schedule looks like this:

Math
Language Arts
Science/History (2x)
Creative Writing/Cursive Writing (2x)
Art, PE, Computers, Music (1x)

We will give that schedule a shot for a few weeks and see how we do.  So far we love it, even though we struggled to find what works for us that first week.  I mean, I am sure people who have been homeschooling for years are still fine-tuning their schedule (right)?  I hope so.  Anyway, we love y'all, and thank you for all your support.

xoxo, Lela & Olivia

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Home School Freebie - #1

Interested in some free learning materials for your little one?  This material is a free coloring and activity book called "Get Excited About the Brain"!  We already received our copy, and Olivia is excited to learn more about the brain and mental health!

You can get yours here:  https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/get-excited-about-the-brain.  You can download a PDF version or a physical copy.

Happy Homeschooling!
xoxo, Lela & Olivia

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Homeschooling - First Post

 Well, due to many issues we were having with our school last school year, we decided to pull our daughter out of public school and start our homeschooling journey.

My son, Xander's bio mom currently homeschools her other children and she was a great help pointing me in the right direction and encouraging me to just do it, and that everything would be ok.  I still don't know what I am doing yet, but it isn't as scary as I thought it would be.

I have found tons of resources and have even now narrowed down our curriculum mostly.  I have figured out the basic subjects at least.  And despite being introverted and having anxiety (&ADHD) I am excited to go on learning field trips with her as well.

I hope to be able to share our journey on this platform in the hopes it will help out another momma (or daddy).

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Chicken Taco's Recipe

I am not trying to be dramatic, but when my youngest sons were small and you'd ask them what was for dinner, they would always want tacos-which were never my favorite.  I guess because I just was never really crazy about ground beef.  But since starting my weight loss journey for the 100th time, I realized I could use other ground meat like turkey or chicken (which is what I prefer).  Now, I am wanting to have tacos all week long like the boys did.  I finally get it.  Ok, well I am not one of those bloggers that just go on and on about stuff before we get to the recipe.  So here goes.

What you'll need:

1 pound of lean ground chicken
1/2 yellow or white onion, chopped
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
1/2 orange or green bell pepper, chopped
1 can of salsa verde
1/2 package of low-sodium taco seasoning (or use your own blend)
(1 tsp of each: onion powder, garlic powder, cumin, salt & pepper)
Pam

What you'll do:

Spray your skillet with some oil (3-4 sprays), and add in your peppers and onions plus seasonings.  Season with your heart, you can add more or less of really whatever you want.  Once the veggies are tender, make a center and add in your meat and season your meat as well.  Chicken doesn't have much flavor - so go crazy.  Keep an eye on your meat, and keep chopping until well crumbled.  Once the meat is cooked, 5-7 mins-add in the can of salsa verde and simmer on low until thickened.

Heat your corn street tacos in a separate skillet until browned up a little.  And assemble.  At this point, you can eat them however you like, adding lettuce, avocado, sour cream, or cheese-whatever your taco-eating mind can come up with.

I did not create this recipe, you can find a version of this all over TikTok, YouTube or online.  I have four of these at a time, and without the toppings it is 3 Weight Watcher Points :)

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Half a Century

Today, I am fifty years old.  Today is my birthday!  During my 40's I didn't love myself very much.  I was constantly editing my photos to take out most of my imperfections, well if I am being honest I did that in my 20s and 30s as well.  I can't tell you why, insecure is my guess.  I don't know what I was ever insecure about, I am a normal and natural-looking person with no major disgusting parts.  The older I got, the more I thought I didn't care what people thought about me, and allowed myself to be photographed more and allowed them to be shown off on social media.  But the facts are I do care, I do care what people think - but mostly I care about what I think.  I think I shouldn't care so much about how my face and body are aging and really embrace them all.  So I decided to stop over-editing my self-portraits, and though this was edited for artistic purposes (wanted a more muted tone) it is not edited in Facetune or anything to alter the way my face looks and smooth out the skin.  I wanted to look at myself and leave behind photos that really reflect who I am at this moment in time because I am so incredibly grateful for this time on earth, so grateful for these first fifty years honestly.  This 50-year-old body has done so much for me.  It has allowed me to give birth by c-section to three amazing humans.  It has allowed me to retire after 30 years of working for the University of Florida.  It has allowed me to hug, to love, to make love, to read, to write, to eat, to walk and talk.  I have been blessed with three gorgeous grandchildren.  Today, instead of being sad that I am getting older and being sad that I am 1/2 a century old I am so fucking happy about it, and so graciously excited to see what the future holds for me.

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Update & SOFA PURCHASE

Well, this experience with purchasing a new home has not been the fastest or the easiest.  We have waited months for a building permit, which should normally only take a few business days.  We have been told "oh yeah that's happening next week" one to many times.  Now, don't get me wrong, I do not care if things take a while, if there is no choice or option in that-but I cannot stand being led on or lied to.  Anyway, tomorrow is the day our house should start being "installed" on our property.  That's the plan anyway, if that will happen, who knows!  When you've been told 10 stories and told 10 times something was going to happen, and all 10 times it didn't happen-the 11th time you're told something you are just a small bit skeptical lol!

Anyway, because I am still a hopefully (silly soul) I did go ahead and purchase our new SOFA.  Here she is, gorgeous right?  I purchased this from Albany Park & this photo isn't mine but this is the exact set up we got, and color.  Cannot wait for her to arrive & hopefully by the time she arrives the house will be ready for her!

Fingers crossed y'all!

 

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We bought a house!

 So, when we planned our journey from going from renters to homeowners, we enlisted the help of my husband's mom.  She has wanted her son to move back to the farm that she lives on for years (since the day he moved out), so she waited for 10+ years.

The plan was, to wait until Xander graduated high school & Olivia finished her third-grade year (so moving during the summer of 2022).  My husband and I started saving money for this adventure because we were going to build a Barndominium on a portion of the property.  In the meantime, we planned to buy a camper and live in it while we saved for a year or two to build our house so we wouldn't have a mortgage.

Thanks to COVID our plans changed in the most terrible ways.  We lost my mother-in-law in the fall of 2021.  After we came out of our grieving fog, we sat down and re-evaluated our plans.  Trying to decide if we were going to continue with the plan.  No offense to his oldest baby sister, who also lives at the farm, we were not sure we wanted to move out there with her no longer being around anymore.  But we pushed through and decided we would stay on track (because that is what she would have wanted).

Lucky for us, our son Gavin had bought a camper that he was using for his job, which required him to travel a lot out west.  He decided he was moving back to Florida, and no longer needed the camper-so we took over the payments!  I mean, and if you've read some of my other blog posts, you already know how nice this camper is.

We reached out to our property manager and told him of our plans, but at the same time, I sent him the email I was receiving an email from them saying the owners of the property wanted us out in thirty days!  This was the end of January 2022!  The kids were still in school, and my son Weston hadn't found a place to live yet (since he wasn't moving to this new property with us to live in a camper).  We asked for a few more months but were denied.  Lucky for us, we had already  had a plan in place & since we had the camper already-we just made it happen.  We moved the camper to a camp grown closer to my husband's work, but still in the same school district so Olivia could go to school and we "camped" for two months.  We bought a shed and put it at the property to store all of the crap that we were keeping.

So now, as I type this, I am sitting in the living room of the camper, on his mom's property enjoying a warm Florida day.

Oh, and the title...."We bought a house!"?  That literally happened last week.  As plans changed again since my husband was really just over living in the camper-we looked around for the perfect little mobile home to upgrade from a travel trailer to a permanent trailer!  And we are now the proud owner of a brand new 1300 square foot doublewide!  She is sage green on the outside, with black shutters.  On the inside, she has a very clean open layout, with a bright color palate.  She has a stainless steel apron double sink, with a neat pull-down kitchen faucet.  Our bathroom doesn't have an annoying garden tub-it's just a tub shower combo!  The toilet is hidden behind a wall, which I also love.  There is NO carpet in any place in the house.  The laundry room has a door on the inside, so it separates from the kitchen (meaning I won't have to hear the washer and dryer while hanging out in the other spaces!  The side door, leading into the laundry room has a cute little white cottage door while the front door is a big steel door with no window.  The entire house is fitted with wide plank pull-down blinds (no strings).  She has an island, and she has a pantry.  I mean, I could go on and on but here are a few photos!

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Update

 Well, it has been a while since I have posted on my blog that no one ever reads.  Lots of things have changed since I lost posted though.

• Xander graduated high school & moved out.
• Weston got a new job & moved out.
• We moved to a campground in LC & then:
• We moved from LC to LO onto family land, in our camper-yeah, that totally did happen!
• Olivia finished the 3rd grade & passed (yay).
• We built a deck.
• I have not gotten lost.
• Xander's step-dad passed away unexpectedly.
• Weston got a girlfriend.
• Weston broke up with a girlfriend.
• Gavin got fenced in his yard.
• Teresa & Alex got a pool.
• Mom got her divorce and had foot surgery.
• Bruce got a new Blackstone.
• Matt saved some money.
• Molly got drunk.
• Jessica got approved to buy a new house.
• Charles slept.
• I had my 49th birthday.
• Oscar learned some new words.
• Felix learned to walk.
• Alex started glass blowing.

I mean, I could go on and on.  But what it all boils down to is, life has just been carried on.  We are all struggling to get settled into our new life and I think people are struggling to get to us being in their lives more now.  Though struggle may not be the right word, we are all adjusting that is a better way to put it.

I feel like maybe I have found my barrings in my new town, I feel confident driving around now without Billy as my guide.  Olivia and I even went to the springs on our own.  The only downside at the moment is really the drive for each of us, for him, it takes him about an hour to get home and for me it's close to two hours, and of course, the gas prices just keep going up.  I got gas this morning and it was more than double what I paid just six months ago :(.

Well, that's all I got for now.

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My Generation

 I am from a generation that used to drink water from a water hose when thirsty, but you have to let it run a few moments not to burn yourself on the sun-soaked water that was stuck in the hose.

A generation that used to take rocks and draw on the road, making hop-scotch.

A generation that played paper dolls, hopscotch, and Barbies.

A generation that had skinned up knees and elbows from skating all day on the streets.

A generation that walked to and from school, with friends daily.

A generation without a babysitter.

A generation that did their homework just to get out in the neighborhood to run around with friends.

A generation with tree houses, and that climbed trees.

A generation that collected stickers, the scratch and sniff ones were the best.

A generation that still collected soda bottles, and would cash them in for a Coke (the original) and some Lemon Heads.

A generation that knew who Holly Hobby was.

A generation of sleeping over at friends' houses, staying up late watching HBO, and playing on an Ouji board.

A generation that played board games.

A generation that had the worst fashion (in the 80's & 90's)

A generation that started the mullet, My Little Pony's, Strawberry Shortcake & the Care Bears.

A generation that used to watch Saturday morning cartoons before running out to meet up with their friends.

At the time, I didn't know it was the best generation and the best childhood.  

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Shaving

 I was wondering how shaving as a big girl, in a tiny camper was going to work out for me.  I found out this afternoon when I braved shaving my legs.

I mentally prepared myself for this task, because let's face it, as a big girl it's hard to shave your legs (or anything else for that matter) even in a large shower stall, but a tiny little camper shower-I figured there was no way.

I only cut myself like five times, dropped the razor-like two times, and almost fell out of the shower (which would have meant I fell out of the bathroom too) once.  I did manage to complete the task and now have, while little bloody, smooth legs again (and pits).

I think next time I will just go to the bathhouse on site.

xoxo, Lela

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