So, back in early February 2012, my husband came to me telling me he wasn't "happy". Like most wives, I was like "who is she?"....he denied that there was anything going on, that he still loved me and whatnot. We struggled for a few days talking about what we could do to make things better until he decided ultimately that he would move out & so he did. During this time out on his own, we talked and stayed in contact with each other over those long months - eventually, we decided that we would reconcile-and so we did. But, through that reconciliation process, he had conceived a child with "who is she?".
At first, I'll be honest, I didn't think I could deal with another woman's child under these circumstances. I am a bonus mom already to Billy's first child, Xander-so I, of course, knew I could be her "mom" but being a bonus mother you have to deal with the other woman as well & how would that even be possible? I couldn't wrap my head around it. But I had almost 9 months to think about what I would do.Would I ultimately divorce, my newly devoted husband? For most people, they'd probably say "hell yes" and at the time, I thought about it every day - let's face it I still think about it, to be honest. It's a hard thing to swallow. I am not a very prideful person, I am very understanding of the human condition - but this was a big fat pill to swallow trust me. And I choked on that bitch over and over again, but eventually, it went down like bitter bitter sadness. I had said hateful things along the way, cried, threatened to leave-you name it, I have done it. Who wouldn't, right? I threatened to leave if she turned out to be his (because yes there was a chance she wasn't?).
In August 2013 a healthy little girl was born & as soon as we found out we waited for "who is she?" to get home from the hospital & we contacted her about having O's DNA tested to see if she was my husband's child. And she was, 99.99999999999% his daughter. When Billy got the results, he called me at work - he didn't say anything I could just hear him crying on the phone (And not like happy tears, scared fearful tears - that his family was once again going to be turned upside down due to stupidity) & I knew I had to make some hard decisions ASAP. Hard decisions no wife should ever have to make.
We cried, we fought....mainly me for a long while during this process too - but I stayed. We met Olivia, we got visitation-we began getting to know her. It was all a natural process when it came to her, there was no awkwardness, no uneasiness..I just hit the ground running as her mother. I had some wonderful friends, mainly one - that really helped me pull it all together as well. Finding items for me to use/have for the new baby in our life. Thanks to her, we didn't have any speed bumps in making O comfortable when she finally came home. I don't know what I would have done without her. Not everyone was kind and understanding, we had several obstacles to overcome along the way in regards to the family. But really, it all boiled down to this; there was no way in hell we could make everyone happy-we just had to think about ourselves, our other children & now Miss O. There was a long period of time that we just shut the outside world out, and just stayed in a little bubble. Trying to figure out our next move, and how to live in this new environment.Now, a little known fact. Before February 2012 - I prayed for my husband and I to have a child of our own. I had surgery after Weston was born to prevent any further pregnancies - but I figured all things can happen if you pray hard enough, right?. I have never been disappointed in my prayers or my answered prayers - so I gave it a shot. I prayed for two years that we would have a baby, specifically a beautiful brown haired little girl who looked like Xander & her father. Over and over again, I'd pray - every single night, or when I saw a diapers commercial, or if I saw a cute little girl outfit....pray pray pray. God answered my prayer, didn't he? A painfully answered prayer in the beginning, but I did get what I prayed for in the end.
Fast forward to NOW....our girl is almost eight years old, in third grade and living with us full time. I wouldn't go back in time and change anything-not even if I could. I would not want to ever live in a world without this sweet & loving child. I would relive that horrible nightmare 1000x just to find my way to her. She has changed me, honestly - I am a much better person having met her. I continue to try to be the type of person who would deserve such a wonderful gift. When I say that, I mean no disrespect to my own children, I love them just as fiercely. They were each a wonderful blessing on my life, each giving me something different-each allowing me to give them something different. She is in the group, she's on the team y'all.....so she gets just as much admiration as the rest of them!Click here if you'd like to see posts about Miss O.
